


Similar to Apophenia and Pareidolia

by gingerlegend



Series: Soft Cecilos hours [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M, No Beta, carlos has panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25005964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerlegend/pseuds/gingerlegend
Summary: "This is a story about Carlos's emotions," said the text in the description. And you were excited, because you love reading about Carlos's emotions on the internet.Apophenia and Pareidolia will be explained near the end of the story. Enjoy!
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Series: Soft Cecilos hours [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901383
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	Similar to Apophenia and Pareidolia

Carlos used to hate having emotions. And, given the fact that hate is also an emotion, he felt like he had to hide this feeling in order to be perceived as a competent scientist. He used to believe that emotions had no place in science.

Before he came to Night Vale, many of his coworkers seemed uncomfortable around him. Discomfort is rooted in fear, and fear is a physiological response to potentially dangerous circumstances. Carlos did not think less of his coworkers for their discomfort.

Carlos grew to hate working at the University of What It Is. His hatred was borne of hatred, and all of it directed at his emotions. Which is to say it was at least partially directed at himself.

Night Vale was weird. It was scientifically interesting  _ because  _ of how weird it was.

Dating Cecil was difficult. Not because of Cecil, but because dating was  _ always _ difficult for Carlos. Love was difficult, because love didn't seem scientific.

Many things were difficult. His panic attacks were difficult, because there wasn't a rational explanation, and rational explanation is the second-most important fundamental principle of science. The most important is charts and numbers, although there is some controversy regarding that. Many scientists argue that charts and numbers are two separate things, but that is not what this story is about. You don't care about charts and numbers. This is a story about Carlos's emotions.

The first time Carlos had a panic attack after he and Cecil moved in together, he tried to hold his emotions in. As many people who experience panic attacks can attest to, holding in a panic attack rarely helps matters, and only serves to prevent others from seeing it, which is only a good thing when others are untrustworthy. Which is to say that this was one of the rare occasions during which it would have been better to let it all out.

"Carlos, honeypie, are you okay?"

Carlos tried to breathe, but his diaphragm didn't cooperate.

"Do I need to call a doctor? Or the secret police?"

Carlos stiffly shook his head.

"Oh my god, are you crying?"

Carlos wanted to be able to convince Cecil to leave, and maybe to forgive seeing this.

"Carlos," Cecil said, suddenly close enough to put his hand on Carlos's shoulder. He didn't touch Carlos, but he was close enough to.

"Carlos," Cecil repeated, "is this a panic attack?"

"Yeah," Carlos managed. "Sorry."

"Is there anything I can do to make it easier?"

The way Cecil phrased the question was interesting. Interesting in a good way. He didn't ask how he could make the panic attack go away. He specifically said the word "easier."

"Stress ball. Left it in our room," Carlos said shakily.

Carlos lost track of the time as he waited for Cecil to return. Time held no meaning when he was worked up like this.

Cecil returned with the stress toy. It was shaped like the moon: a flat square the color of the void with an irregularly patterned silvery circular projection, with a projector disguised as the white house. A two-piece stim toy.

…

Carlos calmed himself.

"How often have you had panic attacks since we started dating?"

Carlos considered the question. "Sixteen panic attacks. Eight of them related to, um, trauma that I'd rather not think about right now. Seven of them from overstimulation. And one from thinking about how dangerous your job can be sometimes."

If Cecil thought anything about how specific Carlos's answer was, he didn't show it.

"Oh, sweetie, I wish I'd known!"

"It's stupid. Panicking over nothing."

"What's stupid about it?" Cecil asked. He sounded genuinely perplexed.

"It's an emotion. A distraction from unbiased analysis of science. Similar to apophenia and pareidolia."

"Gesundheit."

"Cecil, those were words."

"In what language?"

"Science, of course. Apophenia is the tendency for humans to assume that correlation means causation. Pareidolia is the tendency for humans to relate the things they see to the things they understand. Which is usually a mistake, of course."

Cecil smirked. "Like how Steve Carlsberg says he sees lines and arrows in the sky."

"I mean more like seeing clouds as specific shapes, or hearing melodies in a symphony. Feelings are just as irrational."

"Aren't feelings a type of science?"

"No, Ceec, they're a part of psychology, although psychology is a type of science."

"Okay, and psychology is about the brain, right?"

"It's about the  _ mind _ . Close enough."

"Don't you need to have a mind in order to think? Which is what scientists do, right?"

Carlos gasped.

"Are you okay? You're not panicking again, are you?"

"Feelings are necessary to science, Cecil! This changes  _ everything _ !"

"It… does?"

"I don't have to hide my feelings after all! Feelings are allowed— no, not just allowed. Feelings are  _ required  _ to be a scientist."

"Um. Alright. If that helps you be more open, sure. I'm not a scientologist."

"What?"

"It's an expert on scientists."

"Um. No, that's a totally different thing."

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a story about Carlos's emotions.  
> The writer moves on— presumably to go do other things, or think of other things, or write other things— but somewhere in the desert, there is one man who has no need to move on right away.  
> This was a story about him, and about his emotions.  
> Good[insert time of day], reader. Good[insert time of day].


End file.
